Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
