All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
