she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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