Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
