ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
