How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
