Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My bed smells like the plague
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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