i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize