I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize