i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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