Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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