Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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