no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
