i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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