I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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