the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
