Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
