I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.