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you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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