hotel room ftw
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with