he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.