i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home