why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available