I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
