I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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