I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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