How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
