Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
