you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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