dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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