You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
