why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
