I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Randomize
