I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
