forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i think my cat just said my name.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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