Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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