I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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