when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
