have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize