Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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