Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
