Kareoke will never be a sober sport
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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