the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
