WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize