dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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