We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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