I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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