Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
