he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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