know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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