It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
there is puke in my bra ... again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
