Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
