When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
