Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
