Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
