Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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