I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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