I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
