So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
