I showed him my bush... on skype.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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