They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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