How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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