I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
