I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
