I am puke
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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