got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
